Because Villains Need Love Too
by Ryzaria
Summary: Lash has always had a rather big crush on Hawke. However, when she finds out that Hawke’s been in a secret relationship with Sonja, she starts to plot revenge, forcing Hawke and Adder to flee the country. R&R kthxbai
1. Chapter 1

**Because Villains Need Love Too**

**Plot Synopsis**: Lash has always had a rather big crush on Hawke. However, when she finds out that Hawke's been in a secret relationship with Sonja, she starts to plot revenge...forcing Hawke and Adder to flee the country. This gives the rogue Bolt Guard the chance they've needed to take command of Black Hole, and use it for their own diabolical schemes.

Hello thar, and welcome to my first ever Romance fic. I've never even tried to write one of these before, so bear with me. Please give me lots of tasty reviews, and don't eat my spleen. I like my spleen. nn;;

**Chapter 1 – The Required Trip into Backstory Land**

Sitting in the Laboratory, twitching slightly, Lash carefully added some more ingredients to her latest invention, muttering slightly to herself as she did. "That big meanie, thinking he can come in here, and destroy everything I thought Black Hole was about! And of course..." She paused. "No, that's certainly not the reason. No. This is all about him destroying what Black Hole is supposed to be! Well, I'll educate him on the fine points! Tee hee!" She danced around the table, adding one potentially dangerous ingredient after another, until she felt it was satisfactory.

Stepping back to admire her handiwork, she was rather satisfied with what she had created. In a glass test-tube, she had poured all of her most dangerous chemicals and liquids in, including the toilet cleaner. She had ended up with a liquid that looked a lot like water. Except water didn't fizz gently, and it didn't smell like rotten eggs. She grinned evilly. "Yes, this would teach him alright," she muttered. "How dare he do that to me!" She paused again, and frowned. "I mean, Black Hole. Yes. Anyway...he's changed a lot...a bit too much for my liking. I wonder what could have made him change so much..."

The change in Hawke had come about a few weeks after the Dual Strike wars. Hawke had returned to Black Hole, a surprisingly changed man. He had given no explanation as to what he'd been doing, or how he'd survived the events that had occurred inside the Grand Bolt. However, Lash had simply written it off to Hawke's pathological need for his doings to be wrapped in a cloud of mystery. Well, that's what Lash thought, anyway.

However, a series of odd occurrences began to...occur. For example, that emperor guy Kanbei and his brat of a daughter Sonja visited Hawke. After stiffly inviting them into his office, Hawke had bolted the door, and it seemed he had also shut off the CCTV cameras, as Lash could only see static. This greatly displeased her, and she spent the next hour or so fuming, storming around the laboratory, and shouting at anyone who got in the way of her tantrum. How dare he remove footage from her, the great inventor Lash!

More COs came to visit, and every time Lash got more and more frustrated. Even though she installed more cameras in the room, each more hidden than the last, Hawke somehow found every single one of them, and disabled them. This got to such an extent that Lash, seriously raging by now, stormed down to the door and tried to listen in when the scarecrow and that rich kid showed up. The door was a solid door, but she could catch some words. "Peace treaty" was one that cropped up quite often. This rather worried Lash. Was Hawke trying to settle a peace treaty between Black Hole and the rest of the world? If so, this would only be bad news for the pint-sized inventor. All she could contribute to Black Hole was deadly weapons. Every time she tried to put her mind to something peaceful, her mind quickly changed it into something capable of mass genocide.

However, that wasn't what had angered her most of all...

_Lash spun around in her leather swivel chair, gleefully taking in all of the lovely CCTV footage. "I can see you, but you can't see me!" she exclaimed. "Tee hee!" She grinned, before raising a straw to her lips. Slurping on a milkshake, she was preparing herself for a new show. One of the new recruits had gotten lost and had wound up in the Oozium tank, and she was looking forward to what happened to the man. Usually, the death was rather long and painful._

_Reclining, Lash let out a contented sigh, befo-_

_Knock._

_Her sigh quickly turned to one of frustration, as she swivelled round. "Who is it?" she asked angrily. "Soldiers are about to go smoosh!"_

"_It's me..." a rather cocky voice drawled._

_Lash groaned. Her superior officer, and second in command of Black Hole, Adder, had just decided to visit her and make her life a misery. His recent promotion had incredibly angered Lash, despite the fact that he'd always been considered an unofficial SiC. Hawke had never had a second in command beforehand, deciding that if they were anything like himself, he couldn't trust one. He'd finally decided to make Adder one, because he figured that at least he knew Adder's nature and could expect a backstab attempt from him. _

_Lash took another slurp of her milkshake, before settling it down irritably and standing up. Opening the door, she saw Adder leaning quite calmly against the doorframe, examining the state of his fingernails. "What is it, Adder?" she asked, letting him know via the tone of her voice that she wasn't in the mood for any of his games today. _

"_Heh heh heh..." Adder let out his trademark laugh, which, coupled with his drawl, sent unpleasant chills down Lash's spine. "Well, Lash, a little bird told me that Hawke has a visitor coming to see him, and I'm rather curious as to what these constant visits are actually about..."_

_Lash frowned. "How did you find out? Not even I know! And I've got all these!" She motioned to the CCTV screens to demonstrate her point. _

_Adder's smile widened. "Well, Lash...I guess only people of** importance** got to find out..."_

"_Ooh!" Lash snarled, picking up her cup and hurling it at Adder. He caught it easily however and laughed._

"_Now now, my tiny brainbox. No threatening a superior officer." He winked, and took a drink of the milkshake. His face contorted into a look of mock disgust. "Ugh, raspberry!" He spat it on the ground, and tossed the cup back. Lash caught it, glaring at Adder._

"_Just go away, you...you...MEANIE!" she yelled at him. _

"_No..." he said, his voice becoming preoccupied. "A plane's just touched down on the runway..."_

_Lash was worried it could just be another bizarre trick by Adder that usually ended with him pouring her milkshake on her afro, and her having to wash it off with several shampoos, cursing Adder's name the whole time. However, she took the chance and spun round. The initial surprise that it wasn't a trick quickly became a curious interest in who would be here. She groaned when she saw who it was. "Ugh, Sonja! That uptight little bi-"_

"_Now, now!" Adder said, jest still in his voice. "No swearing around superior officers either!"_

"_Humph!" Lash grumped, before her attention was retaken by the events of the runway. Hawke was there personally to greet her. Which was rather odd, she thought. Usually a soldier would escort the CO up to Hawke's office, where he would greet them there. Does this mean that the peace treaty is being finalised?_

"_Lash, can you get audio on this thing?" Adder asked, obviously curious too. Sonja's lips had started moving._

_Lash nodded, cursing herself for having not thought of it before, and tapped a few buttons on the controls. Instantly, Sonja's melodic, calm voice filled the room. "-nd I cannot see why you will not visit the Headquarters of other countries, instead of forcing us to visit you. It's you who's requesting the peace treaty, after all."_

_Adder recoiled. "A peace treaty! The nerve of that man!"_

_  
"Shh, Adder! They're still talking!"_

_Now Hawke's voice was filling the room. Lash liked Hawke's voice. It was low, and surprisingly quiet for a man with the height and build that Hawke had. However, it was filled with an underlying menace, and Lash liked that too. There was a lot that Lash liked about Hawke. _

"_Sonja," he said, "If I happen to remember correctly, Orange Star built a small statue to me outside the main Headquarters. I would not like it. They have probably made me look dashing and heroic."_

_Sonja giggled. Lash and Adder exchanged glances, before turning their attentions back. "You actually look quite brooding in it. But still dashing and heroic..." She paused. "That's beside the point! It would really help improve relations with the other countries. I mean, out of all of the four main countries, you only visited our one, and that was when-"_

_Hawke put a finger to her lips. Another glance between the two watchers. "Quiet. There are many people who do not need to hear where I have been. Only myself, you and your father know the basics. And your father only needs to know the basics. I do not wish to be painted a hero." He paused in his words, although he kept walking. A brief smile suddenly flashed across his lips, as he added, "More than necessary."_

_Sonja giggled again. Lash's fists unconsciously clenched. Adder noted it, but said nothing. However, his mind did somersaults, all the new teasing possibilities! Heh heh heh..._

"_You should at least consider it, Hawke," Sonja said, her demeanour returning to a businesslike state. She took out a pair of glasses and, after wiping them on her sleeve, put them on. She then took out a rather large pile of scrumpled up paper from her jacket pocket and started sifting through them. They continue walking silently._

_Aware that this may take a while, Adder couldn't help himself. "So, how long have you been crushing over your superior officer?" he asked gleefully._

_Lash, getting the wrong idea entirely, laughed. "Tee hee! Adder, you're so optimistic. As if anyone would be attracted by a thirty-five year old man with sunken eyes!"_

_Adder sighed. "You're just jealous of my beauty, Lash. And it wasn't me I was referring to..."_

_Lash froze, and her eyes widened. Her brain started thinking, oshitoshitoshitoshit, what am I going to say! "Uh...shut up!" she said, employing all of her teenage wit. _

_Before Adder could retaliate with a response however, Sonja's voice cut through the potential argument. "There, I found it." Adder and Lash turned round to see Sonja finish reading through a paper, and handing it to Hawke. His eyes skimmed over the piece too, while Sonja continued, "See? Black Hole has lost its negative connotations. The people, not just the COs, see you as a hero. If you visited, it would really help the moral of the countries. You really have to."_

_Hawke paused, before, in a defeated tone, said, "Very well. What would be a suitable time?"_

_Sonja smirked, obviously pleased that she had broken through another barrier of Hawke. "Ahaha, I win!" Hawke raised an eyebrow, and Sonja coughed, blushing slightly. "I mean...anyway...any time would be good. The sooner the better, naturally."_

_The whole time Lash had been listening to this, she hadn't really been paying attention to where they were going. However, she could see now that they weren't heading towards Hawke's office, but towards Hawke's private room, where he did everything from eating to reading to sleeping. She had persuaded him to put a CCTV camera in there after she'd convinced him that soldiers could secretly be spies. And by that, I mean that she secretly put one in there. _

_They reached the door, and Hawke opened the door, and motioned for her to enter. Sonja remarked, "Such a gentleman..." before she entered. Hawke followed after, shutting the door behind him._

"_Where's the sound gone, Lash?" Adder's voice brought her back to reality. _

"_Uh..." She tapped experimentally with a few keys. Damn! She'd been so busy making sure Hawke didn't find out, she forgot to install microphones in these ones. She wouldn't be able to hear what they'd be discussing! Damn damn damn!_

"_So..." Adder drawled, announcing that he was about to engage in a scathing taking-the-piss session. "You've even got a camera in his room? I bet he doesn't even know..."_

_Lash snarled, "Shut UP, you slimy snake!"_

_But Adder was on a roll, and no one was going to stop him. "I bet you zoom in on his face while he's asleep. You probably kiss the screen goodnight..." He grinned maliciously, and his voice suddenly became high pitched. "'Good night, my darling!' Heh heh heh..."_

_Lash snapped, partly because she had done that once. "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed, launching herself off the chair at Adder. However, Adder was an incredibly fast person, and quickly ducked out of the way, allowing Lash to fall straight to the ground. Using this time, Adder leapt into Lash's seat, and put his feet up, to watch the spectacle. He decided to add his own voiceover, while Lash was recovering._

"_Heh heh heh..." His voice became high-pitched and whiny, just like his Lash voice, probably symbolising Sonja. "'Oh, you big man-hunk! You know how I want to take you now!'" His voice suddenly became deep and gruff, probably symbolising Hawke. "'I know you do, but I'm afraid not.' 'Oh, but why? Do you not find my body incredibly attractive?' 'Well, I do, obviously! Look at my raging muscles shudder with desire! But unfortunately, I'm an anally repressed bastard who can't show his emotions, for fears that the truth about me will come out.' 'I understand, I have a friend who's gay...' 'Say no more! We mu-'" He froze, staring at the image on the screen. "Oh...oh my..." His face had the look of the terminally stunned._

_Lash had finally recovered from her face-to-floor meeting, and was ready for Round 2. Standing up, she brushed herself down. "Right, Adder!" she said, turning round, "It's time fo-what the..."_

_What had gotten their attention was the sudden position change. From standing up, talking about something, they moved to a sofa that was opposite a TV that Hawke had. Lash had been quite surprised when she saw it. Hawke didn't strike himself as the kind of person who watched TV. But he did. However, not to her surprise, he mostly watched the Discovery Channel. They had sat down. And now, as they were seeing, Sonja had put her head in his lap, and Hawke was stroking, **stroking** her hair. He was doing it rather woodenly, and seemed to be cringing slightly. That shocked Lash even more. Hawke rarely showed emotion, and even when he did, it was usually of arrogance, as though nothing could shock him. To see him cringe, to look slightly embarrassed, made him look...human. _

_Lash moved closer to the screen. They were still talking, Hawke's rather large hands moving through Sonja's silky brown hair rather uncomfortably. Adder grinned. "Oh...Oho!" he exclaimed gleefully. "Hawke's gone and gotten himself a girl! Aww...ickle Hawkie's all grown up!"_

_Lash seethed, and Adder decided to really piss her off. His voice returned to the high pitched Sonja-voice. "'Um, Hawke? Why have you made me put your head so near your groinal area? I don't think Daddy would be pleased...' 'Don't worry, Sonja. I'm just doing this because I have a psychotic stalker who's watching this right now and I want to really annoy her. You know Lash?' 'Her? But she's so evil and skanky. And she smells bad. And her afro looks ridiculous!'"_

_Lash stormed out, Adder's laughter ringing in her ears. She would have her revenge...oh yes._

_Adder wiped a tear from his eye, and, still laughing, took out his mobile phone. Searching through the phone book, he quickly phoned the number. His feet tapped off the floor anxiously. Finally someone answered, "Hello?"_

"_Flak! Come to the Security Room at once! You'll have to see this..."_

_And so it had spread. Flak wasn't exactly the subtlest of people, and Lash hated it when he lumbered up to her, and said, "Yo, Lash! How long you had the hots for Hawke, huh?" Unfortunately, his voice carried rather nicely, and soon everyone knew. No one knew if Hawke knew, although there were rumours that Adder had slunk off to tell him as soon as he saw that Hawke was back in his office. If he had, then Lash would probably have to flee the country. She wouldn't be able to look Hawke in the face again. _

_She returned to her room that night, sobbing uncontrollably. Flinging herself onto the bed, and hiding her head under the pillow, she cursed everyone. She cursed Flak for being so loud and inadvertently letting everybody know. She cursed Adder for being such a bastard, and teasing her all the time. She cursed Sonja for...well, stealing her man. Although he wasn't her man. That could possibly be the reason why she cursed Hawke most of all. And possibly that was why, the next morning, she strode down to the laboratories with revenge on Hawke the only thing on her mind._

And that brings us to just now. Lash grinned, as she poured a few drops of her latest wonder-chemical into Hawke's coffee. She had looked through her books trying to find a formula to something that would stop Hawke and Sonja's relationship cold. When she found it, she'd laughed, and started working. It had been surprisingly easy to make, and when it was done, she felt slightly empty. It had seemed almost too easy. But maybe that was a good thing. She wanted to use this as soon as possible.

She balanced the cup on a saucer, and began to take it up to Hawke. She hoped he would enjoy it. It'd be his last.

Tee hee hee!


	2. Chapter 2

**Because Villains Need Love Too****Chapter 2: The Chapter Where Things Actually Start To Happen**

In the CCTV room, the only occupant was asleep. He should have left when Flak did, but something kept him staying. The reason was that Adder never thought of leaving the screens was that he'd never expect Hawke to do such human things. Of course, Hawke must have had a life outside of being the Commander. However, Adder had just assumed that he read lots of books on Military strategy and brooded silently. And thought about how great his second in command was, naturally.

Adder had never expected him to have a TV. He'd never expected him to have any sort of photograph, but there one was. It was one taken shortly after his return, before all the talks of peace treaties happened. The picture was of the four of them, just outside the HQ. Adder, of course, looked perfect in the picture, like he always did. He was to the right of Hawke, who looked quite uncomfortable, but still exerted a sort of evil photography menace. To his left was Lash, grinning broadly, a spanner dripping oil in one of her hands. And kneeling in front of them was Flak, who was a member of the human race simply because the Neanderthals had already died out.

Adder had thought that and thought once more of how witty he was, before his attention had been snapped back by the screen. In fact, before he finally succumbed to sleep, he swore that he saw Hawke leaning in hesitantly for a-

"Kiss!" Adder yelled as he awoke with a start. His eyes roamed around the room sharply, in case someone was standing over him. If there was, he'd have to make up a good excuse quickly. Seeing no one, he sat up and looked at the screens. He wasn't surprised to see that Hawke wasn't in his personal chambers. What surprised him though was that Sonja was, although she wasn't awake. She was curled up on the sofa, a plain grey blanket drawn over her. Adder smirked, before a rather devious idea took form in his head. He started tapping buttons, trying to find the CCTV to Lash's room. He would have guessed that she would have put one in so she could see if anyone was snooping around and activate one of her many inventive traps. He was planning on seeing what she was doing. Probably still snivelling her little heart out, if yesterday's footage was anything to go by.

However, to his surprise, she wasn't there. He started hammering buttons randomly, trying to find where she may be. When he saw where she was, he was at first still as excited. She'd be there, probably concocting some sort of love potion. Now, how do we get sound on this thing? I want to hear what she's doing...

Flicking a switch, Lash's voice burst through the speakers. "-troying what Black Hole is supposed to be! Well, I'll educate him on the fine points! Tee hee!"

Adder froze. From that, it didn't sound like it was going to be gooey feelings she was going to be giving him. Judging by her gleeful reaction to whatever she was concocting, it would probably liquidize his organs. Unable to stop her, he could only look on, horrified, as Lash continued to make her mad poison, throwing in ingredient after ingredient. When she'd finished, she poured a few drops in her coffee and started to take it up to Hawke.

Adder shook his head, horrified. How could she do that to their Lord, their Commander, just over some petty love grudge! She had obviously misplaced her sanity somewhere. On the other hand...if Hawke died, he would take over. And of course, with his incredible charisma and good looks, there was no way that Lash would ever try to kill him...right?

"Oh, who am I kidding?" Adder said sadly, standing up. "She'd probably be jealous of me..."

Sighing melodramatically, he left the room, heading to warn Hawke.

And where was Hawke?

Hawke was in his office, thinking quietly. He placed a great deal on silence. Silence gave him the ability to think, and when he could think, he could work out anything. However, with the events of the past two months, Hawke was beginning to worry that perhaps he'd need more than silence to help unravel the slight jumble of what his life had become. This was worrying to Hawke. Throughout his life, he had prided himself on managing to stay on top of everyone and everything. Now everything was unraveling, and he wasn't sure if he could regain the threads.

He knew, of course, of Lash's feelings. He had heard Flak's rather unsubtle question, and frowned. It wasn't that Lash had been terribly subtle about it. When she had bounded up to him and begged him to allow her to install her "Lash Cameras" in his room, he had a hunch what was going on. However, hearing it rather worried him. Especially with Lash's...eccentric behavior. 'Besides', he found himself thinking, 'I've already got a rather interesting young woman interested in me...'

Hawke permitted himself a small smile (only a small one mind, lest he started doing crazy things like dancing on tables or holding a friendly conversation) while thinking about her. Sonja was a very intelligent woman. Remarkably so, in fact. She, of all the other Yellow Comet COs, had actually visited him when he was hiding in Yellow Comet. She was also...ah...rather attractive. Hawke's face became tinged red (albeit only slightly). He felt rather embarrassed even using the word. In Hawke's eyes, "attractive" was the word of the young and feeble. But he found himself using it all the same. 'I appear to be turning soft,' Hawke thought to himself.

But where had it all started...

He was interrupted from what would have possibly been a very interesting flashback sequence by a knock on the door to his office. "Enter," Hawke said, sighing.

There was a pause, before the door was opened, Lash pushing the door open with her back. She held a cup of what looked like really black coffee. It was as black as midnight, and gave off an alluring aroma of coffee beans with just the right amount of sugar. However, Hawke could smell something else, a hidden smell. 'Hmm...'

"And what is the meaning of this?" Hawke asked as Lash placed the cup on his desk. He knew the answer already (or at least, he thought he did), but he wanted to hear Lash's excuse.

Lash stumbled for a second, before stumbling out, "Well, uh...you like coffee so much, and I just invented a new Coffee Machine and wanted to test it out! And I added a new form of sugar I found! Gives it that extra zing. Tee hee!"

Hawke raised an eyebrow and stared at Lash. Finally, he said, "Is that all?"

Lash nodded. "I, uh, guess so. Unless you wanna ta-"

"Then do not let me detain you..." Hawke said simply, waving her away.

"Ooh!" Lash fumed, and stormed out. Smiling to himself, Hawke sniffed the coffee. Yes, there was certainly something different about its smell today... 

"Come on, Hawkie! Drink the coffee!" Lash goaded from the CCTV room. "It may burn your insides a bit, though! Tee hee!"

Hawke shrugged, and raised the coffee to his li-

"Lord Hawke! Step away from the coffee!"

Hawke paused, the cup a centimetre from his lips. This was not happening. Adder had not just run into the room, shouting that he step away from a caffeinated beverage as though it were about to shoot him. This was turning out to be a rather odd day as well.

Fixing Adder with a stare, he said, "And why should I step away from my morning coffee? Is it poisoned? Is it going to kill me?"

Adder returned the stare, and Hawke could see the seriousness in his eyes as he said, "Yes, my Lord. It will."

Hawke lowered the cup, and placed it gently on the table. "And who would poison me?" Hawke asked, silently dreading the answer, although he could guess who it was.

Adder groaned. "For a Commander, you sure are an idiot. Let's see, shall we?" He started counting off his fingers. "One, who has slowly developed a crush for a certain tall dark and handsome Commander?"

"You think I'm handsome, Adder?" Hawke said, smirking slightly. 'I believe I have just made a sarcastic comment. Oh dear...'

Adder coughed, clearly uncomfortable. "In a manly way, my Lord."

Hawke's smirk grew more pronounced. "Very well. Carry on."

Adder, embarrassed by his Commander's jesting, continued onwards, "Uh...two, who is two turrets short of a Battleship? Three, who saw you and Sonja last ni-"

Hawke raised his hand, motioning for Adder to stop. When Adder had fallen silent, Hawke spoke with a low, menacing voice, "You saw myself and Lady Sonja's meeting at the airstrip?"

Adder smirked. "Yes. You could say that."

Hawke sighed, thinking of an excuse. "Adder...Lady Sonja was here purely on a diplomatic meeting. You must have heard the plans for a peace treaty between the nations. Sonja had come here to help work out the small print."

Adder's face cracked, and he started to laugh. Hawke was confused. "Adder. What is the meaning of this?"

Adder, still laughing, said, "Oh, Hawke! That is PRICELESS! A 'Diplomatic Meeting'!" Calming down, Adder said, "A diplomatic meeting. With her head in your lap?" Hawke froze and glared at Adder, who continued on. "Because, I thought that that sort of behavior was not becoming of a princess. Well, on the first date, anyway. Heh heh heh..." He paused to readjust his hat, that had become rather skew-whiff in his flight to inform Hawke. "Or has this been going on a while, right under our noses? Oh, you sly devil..."

"Be...quiet..." Hawke snarled through gritted teeth.

Adder grinned, and began to examine his fingernails again. "Lash had snuck a camera into your room. However, the sound wasn't working. That, in hindsight, was probably a good thing." He grinned more maliciously. "I don't think I could have stood your steamy, passion-filled words sending a shudder down her spine."

"Be QUIET, Adder..." Hawke clenched his fists.

Adder winked. "Now, now, my Lord. How bad would it look in front of your Lady Sonja if you punched me?" He paused. "Or do you have nicknames for each other. 'Oh, Hawkie-poo!' 'Oh Sonja-bear!' Heh heh heh..."

Hawke had gone beyond words. He was raging. Adder grinned. He'd gotten to his Lord now too. All he needed to do was annoy Flak, and he could retire happily.

After a long pause, during which time Adder had took out a rather worn nail file and started to file his nails, Hawke spoke, "Adder...you realize that Lash has probably become even more unhinged than before, yes?"

Adder smirked. "No, real-"

"This isn't the time for sarcastic remarks," he snapped. "Lash is probably watching this from the CCTV room, and she will be angry with both you and me."

Adder paused, and for a second there was a hint of fear. However, it was soon covered up in his usual smirk. "Oh, really? And what have I done?"

"This," Hawke replied simply. "I am going to presume that you were the one that told Flak to ask her. You have a malicious cruelty about you that suggest that you would do it. That also leads to suggest that you were teasing her about this, if your behavior towards me is anything to go by. Also, you have saved my life, which Lash will be rather annoyed about." He paused. "Thank you, by the way."

Adder froze. "We need to get out of here!" he said, his face rather frightful. "She's probably turned completely psychotic! She's probably about to burst in here in a massive walker robot and blast our heads off! ('Note to self:' Lash thought, sitting in the CCTV room. 'Start building walker robot. Tee hee!') We'll be completely incinerated!"

Hawke sighed. "Be quiet and listen to me, Adder. As much as it pains me, we will have to leave for at least a few days, to allow Lash time to cool down and recover. You will probably guess that we will be heading for Yellow Comet, as Sonja will be accompanying us. It is obviously not safe for her to be here with Lash's current mental state."

Adder sighed. "Very well. As long as you too don't be too lovey-dovey in front of me. I don't know if my brain could handle the intense mental scarring."

"...Adder..."

"It was a joke, my Lord."

Adder thought for a moment, putting his file away, before asking, "Who would run Black Hole in our wake? I mean, if it were just you away, I would be able to use my quick thinking and obvious charisma to make sure the country didn't slide while you were absent. But with both of us gone, what will happen to Black Hole?" At this point, Adder moved into his own little fantasy 'Adderworld'. "The citizens of Black Hole will be heartbroken when they realize that their national hero, the great, the wise, the blatantly attractive Adder has left their country, because a jilted lovesick teenager wants revenge on his Commander. There'll probably be mass rioting in the streets. And people may kill themselves! I don't know if I want that on my conscience..."

Hawke stared at Adder. "Are you finished?" he asked simply.

"...yes, my lord...sorry, my lord..."

Hawke nodded. "We shall leave as soon as possible."

As he made to stand up, Adder coughed. "You, uh, didn't answer my question."

"Oh." Hawke frowned, then said, "I believe that it would revert to Lash to run everything. The responsibility will hopefully calm her."

"Oh, yes..." Adder said sarcastically. "Let's give Lash the keys to all our technology and money while we flee from her. That's genius!"

Hawke sighed. "It will work, trust me. You must go and pack for your journey. I will meet you at the airfield soon."

Adder nodded, and stood up. "Your servant as always, my Lord..." he said, saluting, before exiting the room. Hawke paused and counted to five before heading down to his private chamber to collect Sonja.

Wallowing up to her waist in sewage, without any sort of beauty product or cleansing tool at all for the past month, picking bits out of her hair, Kindle was starting to fume. It was so repulsively working class, slumming in here. Her hair, once a magnificent tower of beauty, had wilted so that it was slightly bent to one side. There were leaves in it too. Brown leaves. Kindle hated brown leaves in her hair. It was just so...passe! She continued to pick leaves out as she, along with the rest of the Bolt Guard moved onwards.

Eventually, Jugger, the large spherical robot and lowest down in the Bolt Guard food-chain, said in his monotonous voice, "Query: Are you sure you're not lost?"

Kindle shook her head, as much to deny the question as to shake some more leaves out of her hair. "Of course not, Jugger darling!" she replied, laughing. "Do you think that I, with my stunning beauty and class, could possibly get us lost?"

Jugger paused. "Equation: Stunning beauty plus class equals directional sense? Scanning..." He froze as his internal database scanned for any equation of that sort. After a few seconds, he spoke again, "Equation not found. Kindle must be lying or trying to cover up the fact that she is, in fact, lost."

"Quiet, you swine!" came the voice of Wars World's smallest Ninja, Koal. "If you would listen to the noise above, you would hear the glorious sounds of mechanics that marks that we are underneath the main Black Hole HQ! It is time for us to regain our honour and get our revenge!"

Kindle giggled. "My sentiments exactly." Her tone suddenly became more business-like, and she said, "Now find me a way out of here, plebes! I don't want to have to remain in this slum more than necessary! I think I'm going to have to burn these beautiful clothes because they smell so much! So get to it! Or you'll both be burning with them!"

"Yes, Lady Kindle!" the two other COs chorused, before running off to find an exit and, possibly, a fire-retardant suit in case they didn't find an exit.

Kindle smiled to herself. She had big plans for Black Hole.

She was going to make it beautiful.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 - Interpersonal Connections**

While this drama unfolded in the lives of the COs, a janitor was cleaning one of the many corridors that the Black Hole Headquarters had to offer. His name was Sam, and he prided himself on being good at what he did, even if what he did wasn't particularly difficult. Unaware of the emotional catastrophe that was occurring, he simply kept mopping, contemplating lofty thoughts such as what was going to be on television tonight, what would be for dinner tonight, and where he would be having to drive his blasted teenage daughter to this time. Probably one of those stupid rave clubs. He couldn't see the appeal at all, the music was the same "uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss" rubbish throughout the whole song and-

There was a noise from one of the sewer gratings. It sounded almost like people were in the sewers, talking. The first time Sam heard the sounds, he ignored it. People surely wouldn't be in the sewers, and if they were it would no doubt be the Sanitation Squad, prisoners forced to sanitize parts of the sewage as punishment. However, the second time he heard it, he was more curious. The Sanitation Squad weren't allowed to talk, and to do so incurred a beating and loss of food rations. In addition to this, the voice sounded too...cultured to be down in a sewer. Curious, he moved closer to the grate. The voices started to define themselves. There were three of them in total; a cultured female voice, a childlike voice boiling with permanently repressed anger and what seemed to be some sort of robot. He could catch the tail-end of a sentence, spoken by the cultured one, something along the lines of, "-burning with them!"

The two other voices responded, "Yes, Lady Kindle!" before the sound of footsteps masked by sludge cut short the conversation. Sam considered the possibilities. They were lost, that much was apparent. The name Kindle was familiar as well. He knew it from somewhere...of course! A memory returned to him, of passing by the War Room one day and hearing someone addressing someone else with the name of Kindle. She must be a CO then, and it was his civic and patriotic duty to help his leaders. Sam was a kind soul, and he hated to see someone in distress.

Coughing, he shouted down, "Hello? Excuse me? Miss?"

The footsteps froze in their tracks. There was some hurried whispering, and then the one he thought of as Kindle replied, "Hello there, common sc-uh...my good man. I wonder if you could help myself and my serv-uh..." There was some more frantic whispering, including the words "what on EARTH is the plebecite slang for friend?" before she continued, "...good chummy chums here find a way out of the sewers, I'd be most grateful."

"Certainly miss," Sam said, nodding to himself. "There should be a ladder about...oh, twenty paces in this direction." He moved to the left and stamped his feet, indicating the way. "It should take you into the generator room."

Kindle laughed gleefully. "Splendid! My good man, I must thank you for your help. Meet us at the generator and I will reward you incredibly well! Come, Jugger, Koal! We have a sewer to emerge from." The sounds of footsteps melting into the sewage quagmire squealched through Sam's ears, and then there was silence. Sam paused for a few seconds, and then shrugged. A reward would certainly be nice. It would actually be very nice. Wonderfully nice, even! Maybe it'd be money, and he'd be able to retire and never have to mop a floor again. He could hire other people to mop his own floors! Grinning, he almost skipped down to the generator, his mind fuelling dreams of grandeur and no mops.

The door to the generator opened easily, and Sam slipped inside. The three people were already there. Now he could actually look at them, he started to worry. The one at the front must have been Kindle, as she was the only female of the group. A tower of red hair crowned a face that had gone to great lengths to look beautiful, before nature had gone to great lengths to make the effort utterly pointless. Leaves, twigs and various other mementoes from a forest were embedded in her hair and clothes. A long skirt hid her legs from view and, if it were not dripping with sewage, would have probably been considered very elegant. The other two stuck to the shadows, but the outlines worried him. One was impossibly small, the other impossibly impossibly spherical. It was quite imposing.

Kindle stepped forward. "So, you are the one who helped us out of the sewer...chum," she said, flashing a million dollar smile. Sam nodded, his eyes still warily looking into the menacing shadows behind her. "Well, I believe a reward is in order." She reached into a pocket in her jacket and pulled out a gun. iOh God, no.../i It was a simple handgun with a silencer attached, designed to give simple, silent death to someone via bullet injection.

"I'm going to reward you," she said, raising the gun and aiming, "by ending your miserable, low-brow existance. No more living in slums, fighting through garbage for food and listening to the sounds of your fellow troglidytes being murdered for their alcohol. And no chance to tell anyone you saw us. Won't that be nice?"

Sam didn't get time to answer, as Kindle squeezed the trigger. The urban landscape of the HQ had calmed her nerves following her shouting and ranting at her fellow COs, therefore enhancing her aim. The bullet pierced his jugular vein, blood spurting, flooding from the wound. He clutched at the hole desperately as he collapsed, but to no avail. Within a very short space of time he had stopped moving entirely, his life extinguished. Kindle prodded the corpse with her foot to make sure, and then nodded to Jugger, who stepped forward and lifted the body before unceremoniously dumping it into the sewer.

Koal nodded at Kindle. "Your shot struck true, like an eagle's talons! And now, we have the Headquarters' source of power at our disposal! Heh heh!"

Kindle smirked. "Yes, yes we do. Jugger!" The robot lumbered back. "See what you can do to disrupt the Generator. It will confuse people and we can...deal with them in their confusion." She placed the gun back in her pocket and looked down at her clothes.

"Oh dear," she muttered. "I have blood on my beautiful clothing. How disgusting."

-

Hawke's footsteps echoed solemnly through the corridor as he made his way towards his private chamber. He was not in a good situation, that much was apparent. He would have to vacate his own country for such a silly reason as dodging a lovesick teenage girl. Well, a lovesick teenage girl with a mind as twisted as a corkscrew and a novel mind when it came to inventing torture devices. He could not put himself or Sonja in danger. Or Adder too, unfortunately. Hawke sighed. As much as he'd like to leave Adder to deal with this mess himself, he could not let someone with as much potential as Adder did go to waste. For all his egotistical mannerisms, Hawke recognised a good CO when he saw one.

One massive gloved hand reached for the doorknob and twisted it gently. The door opened silently and Hawke slipped inside. He didn't want to disturb Sonja in case she slumbered still. However, he was surprised to discover that she was already awake and examining the contents of his room, currently inspecting one of the drawers next to the bed, the place where he kept a book to help him sleep.

A light cough came from his lips and Sonja spun around guiltily, quickly slamming the drawer shut as she did. "Hawke! Uh..." she mumbled, trying to think of a good excuse, "I was just...uh..."

"Looking around?" Hawke replied, intending for it to come off as light hearted. However, surprisingly enough for the imposing CO clad all in black with a naturally menacing voice, that was quite tricky. "It is fine," he added. "What do you think of my reading material?"

Sonja, obviously relieved, turned round to reopen the drawer. "Hmm..." she pondered, eyeing the contents. "How...very you." She removed the book from its natural place, examining it carefully. "Immaculately kept, with a leather bound cover. And the book's contents?" She opened to a random page. "Ah. War tactics." A smirk played across her thin lips. "Why am I not surprised. This is your light reading?"

"I wouldn't call it light or even remotely interesting, but it certainly helps me get to sleep," Hawke replied, aware that he had made another humourous remark. That was two in the same day. Perhaps he should see a doctor. Sonja laughed though. That was good. Hawke liked it when Sonja laughed. It was calming to hear someone laugh amidst the recent drama.

Oh yes, why he'd came here...

"You know Hawke, this is actually an interesting read," Sonja said, snapping him out of his short internal monologue. "It's certainly quite rare. How did you get it?"

"Many months of searching." Hawke paused, while he sat down on the sofa. "Take it. I have no further need of it. I have read it too many times for it to be of any further use."

"Oh, Hawke..." Sonja glanced at him cautiously. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Hawke smirked, a dark look on his face. "It will give you something to read when we are fleeing for our lives."

Sonja looked nonplussed. "Wait, what?"

Hawke nodded. "I have something to explain to you," he said, before telling her about everything. Starting with Lash asking him about putting Lash Cameras in his room, he progressed through his stages of suspicion to the events of the morning, the words "Lord Hawke! Step away from the coffee!" probably implanted in his memory forever simply due to the sheer absurdity. He was not sure what the reaction of Sonja would be. Apparently people were not very happy when they discovered that someone else had romantic inclinations towards his or her partner. Throughout his telling of the story, the only sign that Sonja was paying attention at all during the whole explanation was a slight narrowing of her eyes when he touched upon Lash's romantic inclinations towards himself.

As he finished, he fixed her with a steely look. "What is your opinion regarding this? I would like to know."

Sonja didn't reply for a few seconds, as she moved to the sofa and sat down beside Hawke, the book still in her hand. Placing it carefully on the floor by her feet, she then said, "I'm...worried, Hawke. I'm very worried, and I believe I have a very good reason for being so."

Curiosity filled Hawke with these words. "Why is this, Sonja?"

As she replied, Sonja fixed Hawke with a look that conveyed the fear that she felt at this moment in time. "Because you are, Hawke, and I know you wouldn't be worried without a very good reason. What worries you so much about this?" She edged closer warily, one well-manicured hand daringly placing itself comfortingly on his broad arm. Hawke couldn't help but smile as Sonja's gentle caress worked its way up and down his arm as she continued, "Why is Lash worrying you so much that you feel the urge to leave the country?"

Hawke paused, as much to savour the feeling of human contact as to think about his answer. After a few moments of silence, he replied, "Lash is...frighteningly inventive when it comes to inventing subtle deathtraps and poisons. As I made previously aware to you, if it were not for the timely intervention of Adder, I would be dead. She will need time to calm down, and I believe that doing this will."

"But you have an army!" Sonja exclaimed. "You could arrest her easily!"

He sighed. "If only it were that simple. Lash designed the weapons with an additional feature in case they were captured, at my behest. The weapons would explode, taking the soldier holding them at the time with them. She of course has the remote to this, which was as I realise just now quite a major hindsight. This is why a...tactical withdrawal is needed." Hawke could never bring himself to say flee. To flee was to admit defeat, and to be defeated was to lose everything.

Sonja frowned, her hand continuing a figure of eight across the folds of his jacket. "But she would follow us, wouldn't she?"

"Not at all." Hawke smiled. "In fact, quite the opposite. She would not let her personal grievances get in the way of being in charge of Black Hole. The responsibilities itself will mature her as well. My plan is well thought out, Sonja, and I am almost certain it will work."

A frown formed on the Yellow Comet princess' features momentarily, before a small smile overtook it. Her hand returning to her lap, she said, "Well, Hawke, if you're certain. We'd better go now. Adder will be waiting for us." A slight curling of her lips indicated Sonja's feelings about Adder, namely that he should be kicked off the helicopter while it was several hundred feet in the air and land on something really painful and spiky. Alas, she would have to cope with him. He was too valuable a CO.

Hawke stood up, and looked around his room for what would be the last time for what could be several weeks. The memories this room had held were few, but precious. Working out strategies for the Green Earth campaign all those months ago, plotting his ultimate betrayal when it became apparent that Sturm was unfit to be a ruler, relaxing after a hard day of blowing up faceless enemy troops with a fine glass of wine and a quality book. It would be a shame to part with it.

He turned around. Sonja had stood up as well, eyeing the door with a look of trepidation. "Let's go," Hawke said, and began to head for the door.

"Wait!" Sonja cried. Hawke spun round, only to have Sonja run at him and grab him in a tight embrace. Her face buried in his jacket, Hawke tensed, unsure of what he should be doing in this sort of situation. Placing one large hand on her back, he ran it up and down awkwardly. This was definately not his territory. He made the effort though, moving the other hand to stroke Sonja's hair smoothly in a way he presumed and hoped was comforting to her.

"You can relax, you know," Sonja said, her voice muffled by the jacket she was embedding herself in at the present moment in time. "A hug is not going to bite your face off."

"I understand that," Hawke replied tersely. "However, emotional tenderness is not a strong point of mine."

"No, it isn't. It's what makes you such a good CO." Sonja paused. "But you don't have to be a CO all the time. You can relax around me, you know that." Hawke said nothing to this. She sighed. "Just...think about it, alright?"

"I will. But this is not the time to express emotions. This is the time for us to leave Black Hole." Hawke untangled himself from Sonja's tight grip, and walked to the door. "Let's go."

Sonja sighed. "Fine," she said reluctantly, following him as he left.

-

The helicopter was not an interesting looking craft, Adder noted as he stepped inside. The exterior consisted of black everything. Black rotors, black casing, black runners. Even the windows were tinted black. When he entered, he found it was the same indoors. The seats were black, the walls were black. Everything, black. So there can be too much of a good thing, he thought. There was only one other occupant in the bland copter, the grunt who was piloting. Adder glanced at him cautiously. Although he was said to be an esteemed pilot by people whose opinions didn't matter much to the snobbish CO, you could never trust an idiot with your flight. However, he was the best he could find at short notice, so he would have to do. Hopefully he wasn't drunk on ale, or whatever the soldiers drunk. Their own urine, probably. Luckily, the black tinted windows allowed him to peer at his own handsome visage as he waited for Hawke and Sonja to finish their kissing and cuddling and join him on board.

God, Hawke and Sonja. Adder would have never seen that coming, although if anyone had asked, he would have replied that it was obvious and anyone who hadn't seen it, for example everyone but himself, was an idiot. Sonja he had always envisaged to be in some sort of tryst with that idiotic hillbilly Grit or in a lesbian relationship with Lash based on lots and lots of sex involving leather and handcuffs. There wasn't any proof for the latter, but Adder thought it would be pretty damn sexy. Especially if he was allowed to join. Heh heh heh...ahem. And as for Hawke, Adder just couldn't see him in a relationship full stop. He wouldn't be able to handle the emotional intensity of things such as holding hands or having a conversation that didn't consist of "This is your doom".

He shrugged. Ah well, life's full of surprises it seems. You just had to roll with it. But how on earth did they get together? Hawke had to have been in Yellow Comet at some point during his absence from Black Hole. It may have been quite a long time, if he was now in a relationship. Somehow, Adder couldn't imagine Hawke and Sonja in a whirlwind romance...

_"Sorry Hawke, I'm afraid that my calculator has proven that whirlwind romances fail with a probability of 79.156583. However, if we wait a few weeks, that probability becomes only 11.23581321."_

_"That's alright. You see, I cannot be in a relationship right now anyway, because I would have to spend a few weeks analysing you to make sure the relationship would benefit myself, because I'm an emotionless robot with no sense of humanity."_

_"Spiffing. Care for some tea?"_

Oh, how a career in comedy beckoned for Adder.

The sounds of footsteps approaching brought about an end to Adder's inner monologue. Soon the footsteps identified themselves as Hawke and Sonja climbed into the helicopter. Adder nodded at each of them in turn, and was rewarded by a nod back from Hawke and an angry glare from Sonja. What was that for? he thought. Oh, right. The destruction of half of her beloved country. As if it was any prettier before I came along.

And that's where we're going, he remembered, starting to fret. We're going to a country filled with angry countrymen, headed by an angry Emperor and aided by an angry geriatric, and I'm stuck in an enclosed space with an angry daughter of the angry Emperor. Great.

"Uh...my Lord?" Adder quavered. "I just remembered. I shouldn't be in Yellow Comet."

"Why ever not, Adder?" Sonja responded, her tone innocent but her eyes a-flame, roasting Adder with her glare.

"Possibly my...misguided actions of yesteryear," Adder said, subconciously trying to edge away from her.

"Do not fear, Adder." Hawke's voice cut through the tension that was threatening to flood over. "I shall confer with Kanbei on your behalf. I'm certain that he will understand."

"But-" Sonja tried to interject. Adder willed for her head to fall off so she'd shut up.

"No, Sonja, I do not wish to see anyone harmed...unnecessarily," Hawke said, an underlying tone of menace present. Adder understood that. It said, "Adder, I am saving you, but if you fail me I will beat you to death with your own leg." He gulped.

"You are too kind, my Lord."

"Yes, I think I am." Oh God, Adder thought, his hand starting to shake.

"Heh heh...uh, so, Hawke, shall we take off?"

Hawke nodded. "Yes. We should take off now." As if his words were some sort of power generator, the rotors started to turn, the pilot flicking random switches that made no sense to Adder. The copter began to leave the ground, the nearby sticks and leaves being blasted away by the strength of the rotors. Adder shook as it started to moved forward, presumably towards Yellow Comet.

As Sonja watched the view sprawling out beneath them, Adder turned to Hawke and asked, "So my Lord, do you believe Lash will do a good job?"

Hawke nodded. "As long as there are no complications, everything will be fine." Adder smiled. Hawke was right. What could go wrong?

Oh snap.

-

Lash was, to Hawke's presumable smugness had he known, not preparing to fire rockets to blow them out of the sky. She was in her bedroom once more, surrounded by grotesquely distorted soft toys, thinking about what she could do with the new power in her hands with giddy joy. She was going to create those giant walker robots and have Flak lead them into other countries to break stuff! Tee hee! And she'd have giant airbourne Oozium carriers that would drop them on top of things to crush and eat! Ooh, what fun I'll have, she thought. And when Hawke comes back, he'll see what a good job I've done and reward me by letting me feed Sonja to the Oozium! Tee hee hee! And then-

There was an annoying knock on the door, interrupting Lash's fantasy which was increasingly involving less clothes. "Who is it?" Lash asked, irritated. "I'm imagining smooshing done in the name of love!" There was no answer from behind the door. Now seriously irritated, she stormed up to the door, swinging it open and-

Froze, as the barrel of a pistol pressed itself into her forehead. She looked along the arm, down the filthy clothes and up into a face she had hoped never to see again.

"Hello, kitten," Kindle purred.


End file.
